Tell Them

Well, I'm back.

To the very few faithful readers: sorry for the months of silence. In the time I haven't been writing, there's been plenty of reflection. There's also been plenty of pulling away from the Lord, for reasons I'm unable to identify. Isn't it amazing, that no matter how far we run, the minute we turn around, He's right there? Like He's been following us the whole time, waiting for us to seek Him with an undivided heart again, so that we may taste His goodness again.

Here's what draws me back to writing--this sentence and prayer that I wrote on my mirror weeks ago: "All my life You've chosen me for this..."

I think about the various ministries of my life--to certain friends, to certain families, to certain girls, to the youth--and I am amazed by two things:

1. I never would have chosen this for myself
2. And it's exactly what my heart was created for 

Though I fought God for years on ministry, looking for every possibility outside of it, He continues to show me that He has different plans.

Here's what I usually do: I hold out to him all my reasons for why I shouldn't be ministering, discipling. "I hate speaking in front of people. I stumble over my words. There's too much about the Bible that I don't know. I can't build theological arguments to 'discuss'. I've messed up too much...." And it goes on and on. And usually, He let's me argue with Him.

But when I'm done, He gently takes my face in His hands, and asks me:
"Did I not redeem you?" Of course You did.
"Have I not loved you faithfully?" Of course You have.
"Is your life not mine, to do with as I please?" Of course it is.

Yes, my life is His.

And with such simple questions, He reminds me: It's never me that changes a life anyway. It's never me that saves a soul. It's never me that speaks good words. My call is to simply tell. Tell them about this God who redeemed me, loved me, owns me. Whoever 'them' is--friends, families, girls, youth...

So here's my questions to you:
Did God not redeem you?
Has God not loved you faithfully?
Is your life not His, to do with as He pleases?

He did? He has? It is?

Then my final question is this: Who is your 'them'? To tell them is your call, your purpose, your ministry...what you were created for.

"For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age, waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for himself a people for his own possession who are zealous for good works." Titus 2:11-14

Not the Princess

It certainly has been a while since I've written. Maybe no one has noticed, but my heart sure has. When beginning this blog, I asked God to take my keyboard into His hands, and take my fingers and with them, type only the words He would speak. Many times, there is the temptation to write something just for the sake of filling up space on this page. But whenever I sit to write, if my heart is not in intimate communion with our Father, then He is faithful to stop my fingers from typing a single word. When we ask anything that lines up with His heart, He certainly is faithful to give us what we ask of Him.

In the weeks of not writing, I've been captivated by His scandalous love. His love that makes no sense. He was the High King, the very highest, above all things and worthy of all honor. Yet, He found a broken girl like me, with all of her insecurities and emotional ways, and left His high place to rescue her. It was a hero's move, for the girl who was not the princess. 

Sisters, do you see what He did for you?

In all of our childhood fantasies, we probably pretended at some point to be a princess being fought for by a gallant knight, who would go to depths and heights and place his very life on the line, to win the heart of the beautiful princess.

But what's astounding, is that as broken sinners, we were not the beautiful princess. We were dark, stained. And there was nothing within us to attract Him to us. We were the prostitute, who wore rags. Beaten and broken by the world and our own sin, we should not have been loved. 

But there was a knight, a Prince, who looked upon our helpless state and came for us. Feeling worthless, He treated us as though we somehow had value. He owned the entire world, created it. What could a simple girl in rags have to offer Him, that He would desire to have her?

Nothing. 

His love for her was unlike anything any human heart could grasp. For the human heart loves because something about the loved was attractive to us. But God does not love with a human love. He loves with a divine love. And our minds cannot grasp it. 

This is His divine love--He handed over His life to the enemy, making a deal. His soul, for ours. And our soul is that prostituted, ragged soul. With nothing to offer Him. Not even beauty of our own. And what Prince would trade his glory for a girl who is not a beautiful princess. Our Prince. And then, He bestows us with a beauty of His own making, when we build every piece of our lives around Him. A harem of prostitutes, trading their ashes for beauty. 

Understand that you have nothing to offer Him. Nothing. This is what makes His love astounding. That He would come to rescue you, when you have nothing to bring Him in return. 

Run to Him. 

Fall at His feet. 

He loved you when you had nothing to offer Him. 

Look into His eyes, and see His passionate love for your soul. 

Lean into His chest, and find that He is the only One who has ever loved you without condition.

For He loved you with His love. 

His perfect, unfathomable, scandalous love.

And that is reason to celebrate Resurrection Sunday.

"For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly." (Romans 5:8)

"My beloved spoke, and said to me: 'Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away." (Song of Solomon 2:10) 

Hope for Troubled Times

There are so many times when life simply does not make sense.

You watch God miraculously heal your cancer-stricken grandfather, but the health of someone else near and dear to your heart gets worse with every passing day.

You stake so many things on a bold step of faith, but before you can even announce it to the world a ton of bricks fall and smash it all to the ground.

You decided that a new year was the perfect reminder to start over new, to put the past behind you and leave it there, but the enemy and the sin of mankind continue to bring force against you, and the battle only gets harder and victory seems further and further out of sight.

In all these things, it's so easy to say "I don't understand," and for some it's even easier to say "why, God?" and walk away. But my gracious heavenly Father will not let me go. And I will not let Him go. It has always been the times of trial when I am forced to trust my God. What other option do I have?

I've heard it said that it's easy to rely on Him when circumstances are right, when it's "all good," but hard to rely on Him when the whole world seems against you. But it's always been when it's "all good" that it's been easiest to forsake my first Love. And it's always been the times of trial that the deepest strengthening and dependence upon Him has occurred. It's been those times, when I am face-to-face with my insufficiency and weakness that I've fallen deepest into the arms of my Loving Abba Father and trusted Him more. Where else can I go?

I don't know if anyone beyond my closest few even reads this blog, but trying times will eventually catch up to us all. I plead that if you are reading this, you would remember your dear Father.

He alone is Faithful.
He alone is Good.
He alone gives us hope.

"If we have died with him, we will also live with him; if we endure, we will also reign with him; if we deny him, he also will deny us; if we are faithless, he remains faithful---for he cannot deny himself." (2 Tim 2:11-13)

So, trusting that in ALL things, my God is faithful, I will hope in our all-sufficient King.
Please, my troubled friend, hope in Him, too.

His wounds paid my ransom

The closer and closer I draw to God's presence, the more aware I am of my sheer inadequacies. Of my complete inability to stand before Him justified, if not for the Cross.

Last night, I seemed to be trapped in a cycle of filling my time with meaningless things. Spending hours of my day in meaningless tasks, while God was calling out to me to fill my time with Him. I kept turning down His offer. Time and time again. As though movies or crochet or iPod games can provide the rest and satisfaction I was seeking. It wasn't the simple fact that I was watching movies or honing my crochet skills or kicking some Fruit Ninja rear that was the problem. For these things only became an issue when I ignored the beckoning call of my Lord. Always, He wants to show me more of Himself. But too often, myself turns Him away. 

It's a strange thing. A mystery, really, how God extends grace when we refuse to come to Him. 

But since His quiet call, His gentle knock, wasn't enough to grab my attention, He resorted to another method. I can see Him now, looking at me, knowing the words He was about to say would not be pleasant to my ears. They would not leave me with fuzzy feelings or butterflies in my stomach. 

I don't know how He did it, but in a moment, He filled my mind with a picture of His Son. Of a mangled body bleeding from a cross, the place where the Father abandoned His Son (Matt 27:46). As this picture came to my mind, the same Father that turned His face away from the Son who bore my sins, said to me, "My child, did you forget what I did for you?"

I stopped my movie, put down my crochet hook and my iPod, and remembered the Cross. The Cross that justified me. 

My church attendance, the Bible I won from a memorization contest when I was five, even the prayer I prayed when I was seven--none of these made me right with God. It was only His Cross. 

Forgive me, Lord, that I so easily forget.

How Deep the Father's Love for Us

(lyrics - http://www.ap0s7le.com/list/song/28/Stuart_Townend/How_Deep_The_Father)

Adventure

I've always loved stories that involve some great adventure. My favorite movies aren't romantic comedies, and most romance novels make me gag. But give me a story that follows the main character on some epic adventure, and I'm all in!

But did you know, that "adventure" is a pretty fitting description of the life God calls us to?

I've been reading biographies lately about people that abandoned everything to answer God's call. Unhindered by the unknown, and unintimidated by the pointing fingers of those who considered them nuts. They had a burning fire in their soul, and like Jeremiah - "...his word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones. I am weary of holding it in; indeed, I cannot" (Jer 20:9).

They laid down their lives for their King, and in doing so found every satisfaction and pleasure. They counted the cost, and they paid it. They considered the alternatives, and they chose death that they may have life. They knew that their King was worth everything, and they did not hesitate to say "yes" to whatever He asked of them.

When I read about these soldiers of the King, I get the impression that they would be pretty disappointed with Americans. At least those that claim to follow the same One they are dying for. Week to week, we mostly consider a vibrant relationship with King Jesus to be one that consists of a faithful church attendance, no parties attended, little cussing, and pretty good self-control with our boyfriend or girlfriend.

We certainly don't look at our relationship with God through lenses of sacrifice, staking everything on His love, not intimidated by the unknown, and unashamedly walking the narrow path. We have no gusto, and we have no fight. We are much more like sleepy kittens hiding under a car, than soldiers of the King drawing our swords, putting on our armor, and preparing to fight.

This should be an adventure. And if I'm honest, I've been very much asleep this month. It's been bad, which is why I haven't posted much. I've lost my own gusto, my own fight, tucked my tail and ran from the adventure God has beckoned me to join.
What an incredible God, that He did not strike me down when I hid.
Because He is gracious beyond my understanding, He calls me back. He beckons me.

And this time I'm saying yes.

Before the world, aye, before the sleepy, lukewarm, faithless, namby-pamby Christian world, we will dare to trust our God, we will venture our all for Him, we will live and we will die for Him, and we will do it with His joy unspeakable singing aloud in our hearts.

- C.T. Studd

Note: I'm hoping to add a tab above with little blurbs of such soldiers. My prayer is that their testimonies would stir in your heart a deeper passion for Jesus, as they have done in mine.

Awaited Messiah

For me, this Christmas will be different from all the other 21 Christmases I've celebrated in the past. For the first time--and I gasp that it's taken this long--I'm realizing the true meaning of Christmas, the treasure that it really is. Like a lightbulb flicking on in an instant over a cartoon's head, is this sudden revelation that I'm absolutely thrilled about.

I'll say this...

Christmas is not about gifts.

It's not about traditions.

And it's not about family.

You've heard all that before? 

Think I'm going to say, "Jesus is the reason for the season?"

Well, yes. But the purpose for this rant is not to simply quote to you words that have become more of a blurry cliche than a statement of truth. I want to go deeper with you, because God is taking me deeper.

This year, I've started reading through the Old Testament. I'm not quite finished yet, but what I've read so far has been life-changing. And one central theme has been God's promise of a Savior to a broken Israel. His promise of a Rescue, a Messiah. So Israel waited...

And waited...

And waited...

And just when it seemed that the Father had given up on His chosen race, He came. As a pooping, crying, helpless baby. At last, He came.

The reason the angels opened the sky and sang "Glory to God in the highest" (Luke 2:14) was because at last, the long-anticipated Savior had come. And in just 33 years, it would be finished (see John 19:30). Oh what joy! That the promised Savior, Redeemer, Messiah at last would come! Now we celebrate this promise kept during Christmas. And we wait in anticipation for Christ's return. 

Hang tight, my friends. This month I'll try to write often about the journey God is taking me on this Christmas season. I hope you'll join me :)

"...'Behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord." Luke 2:10-11

Morning Reflection

As I write this, it's about 9:00 in the morning, and my 8am class got out early, so I'm taking a few minutes to just sit and rest with the Lord for a bit. Nearby the table I'm sitting at is a sorority bakesale.

A few seconds ago, a woman walked by with what looked to be her daughter, probably around 4 years old or so. When she walked past, she teasingly said to the girls at the bakesale "Y'all are evil!" then turned to her daughter and instructed her to say the same thing. The little girl, imitating her mother, looked at the girls and said "You're evil!"

Now, the "You're evil" comments may have been 'innocent' banter, or some inside joke that I don't get. But I'm positive this little girl had no clue what the joke could've been about. She may not even know what 'evil' means.

One thing is certain though--this morning, the little girl learned to turn to strangers and speak bitterness and malice to them. I wonder--what will her social interactions look like when she's 16? 22? 80?

This observation makes me reflect on my own social interactions. Do I manipulate through harsh words or a cold demeanor? Do I "make a point" by reflecting bitterness towards someone?

And am I teaching those following me to do the same?

At the heart of these questions is this--am I a river of righteousness, a beacon of light, a reflection of the life-giving nature of Christ? Or do I, through my own bitterness, spread mean-ness to those around me?

"...set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity." 1 Tim 4:12

What kind of an example are you setting to those around you?