Hope for Troubled Times

There are so many times when life simply does not make sense.

You watch God miraculously heal your cancer-stricken grandfather, but the health of someone else near and dear to your heart gets worse with every passing day.

You stake so many things on a bold step of faith, but before you can even announce it to the world a ton of bricks fall and smash it all to the ground.

You decided that a new year was the perfect reminder to start over new, to put the past behind you and leave it there, but the enemy and the sin of mankind continue to bring force against you, and the battle only gets harder and victory seems further and further out of sight.

In all these things, it's so easy to say "I don't understand," and for some it's even easier to say "why, God?" and walk away. But my gracious heavenly Father will not let me go. And I will not let Him go. It has always been the times of trial when I am forced to trust my God. What other option do I have?

I've heard it said that it's easy to rely on Him when circumstances are right, when it's "all good," but hard to rely on Him when the whole world seems against you. But it's always been when it's "all good" that it's been easiest to forsake my first Love. And it's always been the times of trial that the deepest strengthening and dependence upon Him has occurred. It's been those times, when I am face-to-face with my insufficiency and weakness that I've fallen deepest into the arms of my Loving Abba Father and trusted Him more. Where else can I go?

I don't know if anyone beyond my closest few even reads this blog, but trying times will eventually catch up to us all. I plead that if you are reading this, you would remember your dear Father.

He alone is Faithful.
He alone is Good.
He alone gives us hope.

"If we have died with him, we will also live with him; if we endure, we will also reign with him; if we deny him, he also will deny us; if we are faithless, he remains faithful---for he cannot deny himself." (2 Tim 2:11-13)

So, trusting that in ALL things, my God is faithful, I will hope in our all-sufficient King.
Please, my troubled friend, hope in Him, too.

His wounds paid my ransom

The closer and closer I draw to God's presence, the more aware I am of my sheer inadequacies. Of my complete inability to stand before Him justified, if not for the Cross.

Last night, I seemed to be trapped in a cycle of filling my time with meaningless things. Spending hours of my day in meaningless tasks, while God was calling out to me to fill my time with Him. I kept turning down His offer. Time and time again. As though movies or crochet or iPod games can provide the rest and satisfaction I was seeking. It wasn't the simple fact that I was watching movies or honing my crochet skills or kicking some Fruit Ninja rear that was the problem. For these things only became an issue when I ignored the beckoning call of my Lord. Always, He wants to show me more of Himself. But too often, myself turns Him away. 

It's a strange thing. A mystery, really, how God extends grace when we refuse to come to Him. 

But since His quiet call, His gentle knock, wasn't enough to grab my attention, He resorted to another method. I can see Him now, looking at me, knowing the words He was about to say would not be pleasant to my ears. They would not leave me with fuzzy feelings or butterflies in my stomach. 

I don't know how He did it, but in a moment, He filled my mind with a picture of His Son. Of a mangled body bleeding from a cross, the place where the Father abandoned His Son (Matt 27:46). As this picture came to my mind, the same Father that turned His face away from the Son who bore my sins, said to me, "My child, did you forget what I did for you?"

I stopped my movie, put down my crochet hook and my iPod, and remembered the Cross. The Cross that justified me. 

My church attendance, the Bible I won from a memorization contest when I was five, even the prayer I prayed when I was seven--none of these made me right with God. It was only His Cross. 

Forgive me, Lord, that I so easily forget.

How Deep the Father's Love for Us

(lyrics - http://www.ap0s7le.com/list/song/28/Stuart_Townend/How_Deep_The_Father)

Adventure

I've always loved stories that involve some great adventure. My favorite movies aren't romantic comedies, and most romance novels make me gag. But give me a story that follows the main character on some epic adventure, and I'm all in!

But did you know, that "adventure" is a pretty fitting description of the life God calls us to?

I've been reading biographies lately about people that abandoned everything to answer God's call. Unhindered by the unknown, and unintimidated by the pointing fingers of those who considered them nuts. They had a burning fire in their soul, and like Jeremiah - "...his word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones. I am weary of holding it in; indeed, I cannot" (Jer 20:9).

They laid down their lives for their King, and in doing so found every satisfaction and pleasure. They counted the cost, and they paid it. They considered the alternatives, and they chose death that they may have life. They knew that their King was worth everything, and they did not hesitate to say "yes" to whatever He asked of them.

When I read about these soldiers of the King, I get the impression that they would be pretty disappointed with Americans. At least those that claim to follow the same One they are dying for. Week to week, we mostly consider a vibrant relationship with King Jesus to be one that consists of a faithful church attendance, no parties attended, little cussing, and pretty good self-control with our boyfriend or girlfriend.

We certainly don't look at our relationship with God through lenses of sacrifice, staking everything on His love, not intimidated by the unknown, and unashamedly walking the narrow path. We have no gusto, and we have no fight. We are much more like sleepy kittens hiding under a car, than soldiers of the King drawing our swords, putting on our armor, and preparing to fight.

This should be an adventure. And if I'm honest, I've been very much asleep this month. It's been bad, which is why I haven't posted much. I've lost my own gusto, my own fight, tucked my tail and ran from the adventure God has beckoned me to join.
What an incredible God, that He did not strike me down when I hid.
Because He is gracious beyond my understanding, He calls me back. He beckons me.

And this time I'm saying yes.

Before the world, aye, before the sleepy, lukewarm, faithless, namby-pamby Christian world, we will dare to trust our God, we will venture our all for Him, we will live and we will die for Him, and we will do it with His joy unspeakable singing aloud in our hearts.

- C.T. Studd

Note: I'm hoping to add a tab above with little blurbs of such soldiers. My prayer is that their testimonies would stir in your heart a deeper passion for Jesus, as they have done in mine.

Awaited Messiah

For me, this Christmas will be different from all the other 21 Christmases I've celebrated in the past. For the first time--and I gasp that it's taken this long--I'm realizing the true meaning of Christmas, the treasure that it really is. Like a lightbulb flicking on in an instant over a cartoon's head, is this sudden revelation that I'm absolutely thrilled about.

I'll say this...

Christmas is not about gifts.

It's not about traditions.

And it's not about family.

You've heard all that before? 

Think I'm going to say, "Jesus is the reason for the season?"

Well, yes. But the purpose for this rant is not to simply quote to you words that have become more of a blurry cliche than a statement of truth. I want to go deeper with you, because God is taking me deeper.

This year, I've started reading through the Old Testament. I'm not quite finished yet, but what I've read so far has been life-changing. And one central theme has been God's promise of a Savior to a broken Israel. His promise of a Rescue, a Messiah. So Israel waited...

And waited...

And waited...

And just when it seemed that the Father had given up on His chosen race, He came. As a pooping, crying, helpless baby. At last, He came.

The reason the angels opened the sky and sang "Glory to God in the highest" (Luke 2:14) was because at last, the long-anticipated Savior had come. And in just 33 years, it would be finished (see John 19:30). Oh what joy! That the promised Savior, Redeemer, Messiah at last would come! Now we celebrate this promise kept during Christmas. And we wait in anticipation for Christ's return. 

Hang tight, my friends. This month I'll try to write often about the journey God is taking me on this Christmas season. I hope you'll join me :)

"...'Behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord." Luke 2:10-11

Morning Reflection

As I write this, it's about 9:00 in the morning, and my 8am class got out early, so I'm taking a few minutes to just sit and rest with the Lord for a bit. Nearby the table I'm sitting at is a sorority bakesale.

A few seconds ago, a woman walked by with what looked to be her daughter, probably around 4 years old or so. When she walked past, she teasingly said to the girls at the bakesale "Y'all are evil!" then turned to her daughter and instructed her to say the same thing. The little girl, imitating her mother, looked at the girls and said "You're evil!"

Now, the "You're evil" comments may have been 'innocent' banter, or some inside joke that I don't get. But I'm positive this little girl had no clue what the joke could've been about. She may not even know what 'evil' means.

One thing is certain though--this morning, the little girl learned to turn to strangers and speak bitterness and malice to them. I wonder--what will her social interactions look like when she's 16? 22? 80?

This observation makes me reflect on my own social interactions. Do I manipulate through harsh words or a cold demeanor? Do I "make a point" by reflecting bitterness towards someone?

And am I teaching those following me to do the same?

At the heart of these questions is this--am I a river of righteousness, a beacon of light, a reflection of the life-giving nature of Christ? Or do I, through my own bitterness, spread mean-ness to those around me?

"...set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity." 1 Tim 4:12

What kind of an example are you setting to those around you?

Untitled, because I'm lost for words...

Tonight I'm faced with the familiarity of God's voice calling out to me, asking me to give Him everything.

He asks me, and He has every right to. In surrender to Him, I gave up my life. I died. And when I died, He gave me real life.

In a country all about rights and freedom, I guess "surrender" and "giving up" are hard things to grasp. Even for the saved. I know it's hard for myself to grasp at times. Alot of times, actually.

But then I think about all that Jesus did for me. He gave up His rights when He left His throne, and He left it to come dwell with sinners like us. He left it to dwell with me. And then He died. When Someone's given everything for me, purchased me, how can I think I belong to myself? How can I think that I get to decide how I will spend my time, where my money will go, and who I will talk to?

I find that the more I'm immersed in this college atmosphere, the more I'm preached at about the need to fulfill my own wants and needs, to strive for what's "best" for me. And the more and more God asks me to give up everything, to give up myself, the harder and harder it is to be surrounded by the self-focused messages surrounding me. Because I've noticed something that happens when I start to believe these messages--it's like I'm being lulled to sleep, like a fog rests before the path I'm on. But not a severely blinding fog, and not an entirely uncomfortable sleep. The fog is just enough to make me think I'm okay without really listening to God's voice, and the sleep tunes my senses away from even really hearing Him speak. It's subtle, but it's a very dangerous place to be.

He's teaching me that He's given me life, and it's meant to be lived. Not slept through.
He's teaching me that He's given me sight, and its purpose is to open my eyes to the brokenness around me, and the sin in my own life.

So once again I plead for His mercy, and when He takes me back, I start to wonder why He ever would. "Love," is His usual one-word reply.

So trusting in His love, I bring Him my brokenness, and my failures, and hold out to Him the mess I've made, asking Him to turn it into something beautiful. And He is. He's slowly chipping away myself and giving Himself instead.

And He is Beautiful.

Never Once Have I Ever Walked Alone

God never ceases to amaze me with the intricate details of His presence around me. I can't tell you how many times I meet other Christians--true lovers and followers of Jesus--in the most unexpected places at the most unexpected times. It would also be an impossible task for me to recount to you how often I ask God a question and seconds later a "gut feeling" prompts me to pick up a certain book or open my past journals and on the pages are the very answers to the questions I have. Or, on those pages or in Scripture He brings to my mind, are the refining rebukes I've needed, and I am reminded that in His presence joy is found, no matter how painful or uncomfortable the rebuke may be. 

I find that in these ways, among others, God is always challenging my words, always testing what I am teaching to others. Today, He has revealed to me my complaints (those of the whiney-nature), and the natural tendency inside me to not trust Him. I teach that to trust Him is to believe Him, yet my own heart can be so reluctant to trust His will and believe His promises.

When confronted with these shortcomings, His unfailing presence takes me by the hand and leads my steps back to Him. And it's in those moments that He captures my heart again like He's done so many times before. This Heavenly Romance means that I don't walk alone. Despite the filth inside me, I don't walk alone. His love and relentlessness for my heart to be undivided towards Him just amazes me at times. 

And it brings me to my knees in adoration of this holy God that would stoop to my stumbling side and carry me.